Standing Alone

I swear...

to never let anyone look down on me, or make them feel like I owe them something. I hate not being in control of my own things and depending on other people. 

I hate hate hate not being in control. I promised to myself that this blog site won't be use to vent, but this will be an exception. 

I want to get better, so i don't have to lean on anyone, so i don't have to be vulnerable, so i don't have to feel incompetent.

It's my fault. I let myself to depend on others and grew comfortable, but i failed to realize depending on anyone for so long burdens a relationship. 

I want to grow stronger.

Rise and Face the World

Early in the morning, Late at night

so i haven't written anything in a while...

much to the protest of my faithful "follower(s)"

I love the fresh smell of dawn, desperate wait for the sunrise, and soul cleansing cold dews just about to drop and evaporate in another day of bay area fog. But especially, i like the complete solitude. This chance of still time, where everything exists just for me and no one else. This is when I concentrate the best and work with incredible efficiency. For me this is when my history will be made. I no longer fear the consequence of this late night/early morning working hour; awful onsets of headaches either from fading away energy drink effects or sleep deprivation or complete inability to stay awake through boring lectures. 

For that, i want to get up earlier more or go to bed really really late. I sure will miss my sleep though, but for all this plus Queena's funny snoring sounds and her sleep talking mixed in with her quirky laughs...I will enjoy my date with the silence in the darkness. 

The christian song, "early in the morning, late at night" comes to my mind. It just shows how God is ALWAYS there with you every morning, even when everyone is asleep.

I will be the shining light in the darkness. Just as my lamp keeps me up, I will keep you up through life.

May God truly bless you all.